No need for a Thompson

Almost never have I felt so unimportant as I feel today.

Everyone has their cliques, their "scenes," their fan clubs, social groups, whatever, and somehow, through it all, I get left aside.

I get it; I do. I mean, new experiences with people, in life, in general, etc., whatever, but at the same time, is not the fact of my isolation a marker that there is something wrong with me?

It's a terrible feeling, to be alone no matter where you are. I understand that the human is a fickle creature, but a little acknowledgment and recognition would be incredibly nice sometimes.

A lot of this is hitting me hard today. I can chat and get along with most of the people I work with, but any attempts to actually have meaningful dialogue (ie: the sort of conversation the other person couldn't have with a metal post) end in awkward silences and segues thinly veiling moves to get the hell away.

It's getting pretty rough on me. No lies there.
I did some breaking as a skit during SPL campfire today. Aside from a small smattering of applause, I got damn near nothing in terms of positive reinforcement. Well, excuse me, people of the world-- I didn't realize this was such a pedestrian event. Pardon me for thinking it's pretty cool.

Whatever. Camp is done in a little over a week and then I go back to EC, where I can fail to ever actually see Tim before he leaves. How could my social life be better?

2 down, 360some to go. . .

Depression is a weird thing. I've never been diagnosed, quite probably don't have anything worth diagnosing, but chemical depression exists around my family history. Consequently, I have an understanding of the processes and the nature of depression, and I know what it can both look and feel like. Chemical or not, I'm dealing with depression right now.

I'm listening to "Girlfriend" by Eve 6 a lot. Call it my coping song. Whatevs.

I have no appetite, but am very hungry. My body wants to eat but I don't feel at all compelled to. Unlike many, my stressed/anxious/depressed response seems to be to avoid food. Bizarre.

It's almost eerie how easily the rest of the world keeps turning, even while my little corner of it is so unsteady right now.

TTGL premieres on Sci-Fi tonight, but I have nowhere to watch it. Balls.

The First Step

I'm going to skip the obligatory self-protective "I wonder if anyone will read this, blah blah blah" rhetoric and just assume there's people reading. I have readers. At least one, anyway (considering you're here.) If you're reading this or even remotely aware of my writing it, you've proven me right.

I'm hitting off a new step on my journey, and it is a big jerk of one. I've got a year left of college, only a couple hunches what I want to do after, and noone but myself to rationalize or to whom to justify myself.

I'm terrified of growing up, and it's time I get past it. To paraphrase a pretty wise dude, I've got a good strong pair of legs. It's time I got up and used them.