Subliminal Politricking?

Ya know, a thought occurred to me regarding the Marvel Comics character of Angel.

A strong-jawed, blonde-haired, blue-eyed WASP with angel wings.
Strong Nazi imagery, anyone?

Likely story?
Out.

My Topic for the Semester

Takarazuka, Kabuki, and Gender Roles in Japanese History.
Title not finalized.

Including references to:

• Breeches roles in English Restoration Comedy
• Gay and lesbian associations with dramatic arts
• Androgyny and the fluidity of sexuality

Time to put together a reading list.

Pretty Miserable

I'm feeling very down today. I've spontaneously broken down and started crying three times since noon and every time I see myself in the mirror, I want to break it.

Here's how I see myself right now.

Unattractive: Gawky, misproportioned body parts, preteen facial hair, and a perma-mullet.
Incompetent: Why else would I need handholding performing the simplest tasks at work?
Boring: Let's face it. I am. I'm boring and consequently so is my life.

And a laundry list of other things on top of that. I'm confident right now that applying to grad school or JET would be a waste of time and money, because why on Earth would anyone think I have anything to offer or contribute? Seriously, if you asked me "why should we hire you" I would hum and haw for a few seconds and then say, "Ya know, I don't know, which is a good sign you probably shouldn't."

I really just don't feel like I have anything going for me right now. I'm marginally intelligent, but that's meaningless in today's world, poorly-read on any given subject, lack any sophisticated or crucial skills to accomplish any task, etc. I really could go on, but I won't.

I just wanted to make record that today is a day full of shit feelings and self-loathing.
It is what it is. Out.

Another (much more tongue-in-cheek) Idea!

Here's my devious plan to be implemented in 15-25 years.

I want to earn my PhD. There it is. In what field? I have a couple avenues in mind, which is a list that will definitely be narrowed down and then specified within the next year or so. I may not be following my undergrad major, but plenty of folks don't.

Once this has been accomplished, I have every intention of enrolling in a 100-level undergraduate class at whatever University makes the most sense (perhaps the one where I work. . . oh, did I tip my hand a bit there?)

Here's the kicker, I'm going to make sure I take a class in which the professor only has his or her Master's Degree, and I will insist that he or she call me Dr. Thompson.

It will be great!
Actually, it'll be petty, stupid, and mean. That's why I'd only do it if I already had a friendly and positive relationship with the faculty member in question and they were cool with it. If they have the same sense of humor as I do, they'd find it entirely tolerable and a little funny, at very worst.

Out.

An Idea

This is gonna come out and sound really stupid. So do about 60% of the things that come out of my mouth, though, so it's no big deal.

I think everyone would do his or her self a world of good to take an afternoon, sit down, and write a lengthy, unabridged response to the following question:

Who are you?

Perhaps it's me, but I feel like a large source of my anxieties and shortcomings come from growing detached from who I am. I think they call this low self-esteem. Per-maybe-haps.

So yeah, take a day, and explain yourself. Everything. Monumental changes, talents, lessons learned, EVERYTHING that, when factored in, created the person you are today.
I think this is the idea of a private journal, but taken to the logical conclusion. I can not think of any more self-reflective activity than this.

I'm gonna do it. At least, I'm gonna try. I really have no idea what kind of emotional journey I may or may not experience.

As far as making a suggestion to anyone, I still don't know if the end product should be kept private and secret or shared. On the one hand, there are reasons we don't tell everyone every detail of our lives; on the other, I think culturally we are moving apart from our fellows, and a little bit of understanding about the other guy may be a kick-start in the right direction.

I'll let y'all know which way I decide. If I think sharing is the way to go. . . I still won't put it on the internet. Are you freakin' nuts? :-p

Nonetheless, I think this will be a positive, and possibly cathartic, experience.

Role of Church in Parenting: Religious or Social

This one's a little bit behind, but it's been kicking around in my head, among many other things.

Note: I am currently practicing unsure atheism. I'd call myself an agnostic, but apparently that means I don't care about whether God exists or not, and I'm not sure. In any case, I'm not a church-goer anymore.

Last week, I was having a chat with some friends about nothing in particular. The topic moved to circumcision, which motivated me to share my one interesting (if slightly awkward) story of any relevance: I was circumcised twice. Basically, they just didn't quite get all the foreskin the first time, I guess. Ya know, or I have Wolverine's healing factor. . . in my penis.

. . .
. . .
. . . sorry. . . ANYWAY! (it'd be freakin' sweet, though)

One of my friends adopted the anti-circumcision perspective, calling it barbaric and sick and completely wrong to do for some stupid religious delusion. K. Check. From there, circumcision was compared by the speaker to baptism.
I commented that my kids will probably be baptized because, while I am not a strong person of faith, there is a damn good chance (a certainty if the future finds "the girlfriend" becoming "the wife") their mother will be, and I have no objection to it. I consider baptism (and circumcision, for that matter) harmless at the very worst. I am more than comfortable with my children participating in a religious tradition belonging to my wife if I see nothing wrong with it.

Of course, my "believer-friendly" opinion was a bit hard to assimilate. I was in a room of jaded former Catholics (the product of overly controlling parents, I will not deny) who didn't seem to quite get a non-adversarial attitude toward something as simple as baptism.

By no means am I saying their spiritual or religious beliefs are any more or less valid to me than anyone else's. I am many things, but I try to be very open-minded about these things. However, I really was taken aback by my perception of what I was hearing.

I had proposed nothing more than respect and tolerance of the religious convictions of another human being, and I was facing opposition on a level much higher than I predicted. This really called to my attention a trend of anti-religious backlash, which I see as counterproductive.

Marty and I are a very inspiring couple, I'd like to think, because we represent people of different political and religious beliefs who still have respect and understanding for each other's perspectives. It's not that we lack convictions, but we're open-minded and secure in our own beliefs.

Call it narcissistic if you like, but I think we're doing it right. Here's why, and ultimately where I'm going with this whole thing. Marty is a Lutheran; I was raised United Methodist til my early Teens. Does she want to raise the kids in a church community? Of course. Do I? Absolutely.

Here's why:

It's not about my religious beliefs or even hers. I want my kids to grow up in a highly-socialized community. When I was a young kid, living in Austin, my family were members of a phenomenal church community. Everyone knew each other, new people were welcomed in eagerly, and everyone helped take care of everyone else's kids. It was never about God for my less than 5 year-old mind, but rather about having a large group of good people.

I want to raise my kids in a strong community, and I see no fundamental reason that can't be a faith-based community. Should I be worried my kids will somehow be brainwashed by the institution? Why would I be? I'll be spending far more time raising my kids than anyone else and, further, I wouldn't raise my children in a community where they were learning dangerous or harmful lessons and habits.

Call me crazy, but I don't need to believe in God or Jesus Christ to believe in the positive power of good Christians, and I absolutely want my kids to do the same.

Out.

DEVELOPMENT!

That was a long freaking day of tests!

8:20 am: Blood work
8:45 am: Chest X-Ray
9:20 am: Electrocardiogram
10:00 am: Echocardiogram
11:15 am: Consult with Dr. Cetta

It all went pretty straightforward and smooth, though I could never be comfortable going to somewhere so huge as Mayo as my primary care facility. I felt way too much like cattle among the hordes of other people.

So, did we learn anything today? Absolutely. Cetta said that he doesn't think we need to do a balloon angioplasty and stent. That said, they're still gonna cut me open and insert a catheter in my aorta and measure some stuff.

Regardless, any time someone tells me I'm in better health than all parties involved previously believed is quite fine with me.

*EDIT: Huh. Is someone trying to hack my account? I just got the email with login information. . . If anyone out there thinks this blog account is worth hacking, I assure you it's not.

Sa: Im Jeon Moo Tae

Ima, ichijihan goro da. Shinpai shite iru yo.

In 7 hours, I begin an entire day of cardiac testing at Mayo Clinic, including (but not necessarily limited to) 2 Echocardiograms and some blood work. Following this, I will meet with Dr. Cetta for a consult to confirm plans for surgery.

Tuesday, at whatever time I am told to arrive, I go BACK to Rochester for surgery. There isn't a whole lot else to say about this. Balloon angioplasty is pretty self-explanitory, right?

This is a struggle, but one of the lessons we do well to learn is that life is full of struggles. This will not be my greatest struggle, nor will it be my last.

There's no point in cowering or hiding; this is a good thing, and while frightening, I am facing it with my head high and will not run away. Fear is a healthy natural response to dangerous stimuli, but there is a time and a place, and allowing myself to be afraid of a routine surgical procedure will accomplish nothing.

I find myself inspired by the struggles I see friends and family face, and I take comfort in the perspective I gain. This is merely a blip, and I will see it through with collected calm and patience.

Watching E! is Rarely a Good Vocation

Bah. Maybe. Maybe not. Can't say it's productive or anything.

I watched a True Hollywood Story on Heath Ledger this evening. When they got to the end and folks were doing the sentimental thing, reflecting and commenting on his life and death (as is par for E! True Hollywood Story,) I had a strange feeling.

25% of it is just because they edit the show to manipulate the viewer and create the impression, I admit.

I felt like I knew they guy. Craziest thing.

I have a good idea where the feeling comes from; I think I understand who he was, what he was trying to do, and how he felt. It all seemed very familiar. I think he and I would've found a lot of common ground if we had a chance to talk.

I know that's bizarre, but so are many things in the world. Some people juggle geese.

天元突破グレンラガンの英語のカスト

Alright, most folks who know of my anime tastes have not been spared my tremendous excitement over Gurren Lagann. Sorry, but the show is freakin' amazing. Matter of opinion, I realize, but that's mine.

Like any good mindless blogger slave, permit me to register my opinion of this English dub, now that I've seen the first 4 episodes.
We'll do this by character, as that approach does make the most sense.

Simon: Yuri Lowenthal is kind of an obvious choice for Simon, considering he's kind of the "it" guy right now at Bang Zoom and can do different ages half-decently (important considering TTGL has a 7-year time skip.) That said, though not a surprising choice, Lowenthal does a pretty good job with Simon. The mere minute we get of grown-up Simon at the beginning of the first episode is spot-on where it needs to be, manly and strong, but with just that right bit of cocky swagger and space pirate bravado.

For the remainder of what we've seen so far, this is not Simon. Lowenthal almost makes 14 year-old Simon too whiney. I mean, the kid's 14, which means he can have either a high or a deep voice (curse puberty and its unpredictable developments,) but it feels like Lowenthal is straining a bit too much to get into so high a register.

As the character develops a bit over the next few episodes, I expect there's a good chance Yuri will play to Simon's developments just fine, so it's not a major issue by any means. I guess I'm really only talking about a complaint that lasts for the first 8 or so episodes, important though they are.

A note regarding the requirements of this character: Simon starts the series at age 14. Halfway through, we skip ahead to the point where he's 21. In Japan, the actor really didn't change much in the voice of the character, for the most part, but that's really just a performer's choice. Yuri Lowenthal is (seemingly) playing the character with two very distinct voices. All truth be told, if you were to ask me which L.A.-based voice actor has the best chops to pull that off, playing both child and adult, I'd say Johnny Yong Bosch. See Eureka Seven to get a sense of his "14 year-old boy" and I think you'd be impressed. I'm not saying I want Bosch to play Simon, because he's already got a good part in the show, speaking of. . .

Rossiu: No need to worry. Johnny Yong Bosch pulls it off perfectly. He's got the voice, the uncertainty, and the demeanor of Rossiu down perfectly for the one episode in which I've seen him. He's gonna be fine with the turns Rossiu takes later in the series, I am quite confident.

Kamina: This casting choice surprised me. Kyle Hebert never struck me as the right guy to play Kamina, from the perspective of matching style and personality of the Japanese voice actor, but it works. Most interestingly of all, it works in a hell of a bizarre way. Hebert's performance actually changes the character of Kamina, in an important but ever-so-subtle way.

Katsuyuki Konishi made Kamina into a huge ego and personality, so big a person he couldn't be kept inside his subterranean pit, even if he wanted to (spoiler. yeah, they live in a pit. they leave by the end of the first episode. big surprise.) Hebert, on the other hand, plays him as a guy who simply sees himself that way. He's not inherently huge and brave and larger-than-life, but he certainly thinks he is, and he's gonna fake it until he makes it. Considering some of the themes of the show, and particularly his relationship with Simon, this almost fits BETTER.

I'm really eager for episodes 7 and 8 to see how Kyle Hebert does with Kamina's biggest moments. And, as stupid as I know this is, I won't know if I like the dub until I find out how they do "Giga Drill Break" (or "Breaker," depending on subtitler) seeing as it's such a huge part of the show. Imagine if they had done something stupid either in renaming or pronouncing Goku's Kamehameha in DBZ? How different would the audience feel?

Yoko: Michelle Ruff plays her as a generic kind-of-ditzy, somewhat brash, somewhat bossy, ultimately tender and loving girl. Kind of a blend of the other characters of hers I've heard. There's nothing too big to say about this performance, which is a damn shame, because I think Yoko is easily one of the most interesting characters in the show (and that opinion has nothing to do with her lack of clothing.) I kind of suspect a lot of her subtlety and nuance will be missing later in the story, but that's a judgment I can't make yet.

Leeron: This is the response for which most folks will probably disagree with me. Steve Blum, best known for Spike Spiegel, Mugen, and similarly manly, badass smooth operators was cast as the transgender (in a more literal definition of the word than its contemporary usage) science genius Leeron. Leeron was a lot of fun to watch through because his sexuality is so fluid (not in a Captain Jack Harkness way.) He's not really a woman, but he's not really a gay man, either. Leeron is somewhere between male and female on the gender slider, but it isn't as rock solid and confining as "gay male stereotype." I realize this has a lot to do with America and Japan seeing sexuality differently. We don't have the same fluidity of sexuality that the Japanese do, so I guess I can't be surprised that it didn't quite translate right, but here's the final deal:

Steve Blum plays Leeron as a walking encyclopedia of the worst stereotypes and gay jokes in the history of man. Exhibit A

It's not. . . bad. . . per se. . . and it is pretty funny, but I think I'm getting tired of gay jokes at every corner for comic relief. I thought Leeron was much more effective at being kinda creepy and playful when he wanted to be in Japanese.

On the up side, Blum does do a really good job with the voice and hitting the mark for which he was aiming. Blum is a hugely talented actor and I can't say anything majorly critical about him. It's really just the director's interpretation with which I disagree (Damn you, Tony Oliver!)

Kiyoh, Kinon, & Kiyal: They're there. They're fine. Whatever. They'll all do fine later in the series, where these characters actually acquire some depth (not too much, though.)

Kiyal: Much like Kamina, the Japanese actor was so high-energy and over-the-top that I couldn't think of any American actor off the top of my head who could match it. Christopher Smith, whose work I don't know well, does it a bit differently. He's not quite as feral, but definitely has the irritability and the short fuse Kittan needs. It should be a good pick. My only hesitation comes from a lack of familiarity with his work. Natch.

Viral: Sam Regal. . . why? Viral is a freaking beastman, so why is there no bestial vigor in this performance? He's playing it too much just as "condescending member of the ruling class who spits on those beneath him." PLEASE, let Regal find Viral's sadistic and furious side before the time skip, because there is some GREAT shit for Viral coming later. I'm almost worried Sam Regal is going to go for the muted and introspective at times that Viral needs to be blunt and up-front.

Overall response: This dub is gonna be pretty damn good, even if they DON'T work out all the kinks I'd like. I'm really excited to hear what develops, and this show gives more than ample opportunity for the actors to lose themselves and have fun, if they just take the chance. If I had to grade what I've seen so far, I'd give it an A-. Little bit of polishing and it'll be just fine.

Week 8 in Review

Hey, kids! Time to hear about week 8!
This one will be rather short and uneventful, because (for the most part) that's how it was.

Sunday. All is as normal. Starts to rain a bit. Power goes out at camp for about 6 hours.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "Wait. Why does a boy scout camp need electricity?"

If you are indeed asking that question, you clearly have little to no understanding of the caliber of either the typical camper or staff member at PSR.

It sucked, because we had to pull everyone into the dining hall before they were all even on camp, which threw a major wrench in the (liberally speaking) well-oiled machine that is camp check-in.

Power came back by about 10:30, though, so that was alright.
And, on the major up-side, Victor and I got to frolick in the parade ground without shoes during heavy rain. That's always fun (I pretended I was an airplane. :-p)

Due to the lack of power, we had none of our printed merit badge class sheets, and weren't about to do a merit badge fair with no pre-registrant info, so we just said screw it and waited for kids to show up on Monday.

This summer, I taught Waterskiing with Brad and Sailboarding all by my lonesome.
1 kid in waterskiing
1 kid in boardsailing (and he quit before the first class)

There you have it. One kid to work with the whole week, and in a class I team-teach, to boot.
Talk about understimulation. :-/
Good news is that we had a great time every morning in waterkiing, and the kid was pretty cool.
I finally managed to get up and ski pretty well this week, after having taught kids how all damn summer. Whatevs. It's cool.

Nothing happened, blah blah, worthless CITs, blah blah, business as usual, blah blah, power goes out again on Wednesday. Boy, the week 8 group must think we have the shittiest power lines in the history of Wisconsin. Okay, maybe not. Stupid storms.

Haugen Fun Days happened. I was there for a little of it, running camp taxi service (an offer on which not too many people took me up, which is perfectly fine.)

Saturday clean up: Bear Lake went pretty quick, though getting the dock back on shore was pretty damn difficult (as one of the wheels came off)

And then, all that remained was staff last supper. Caeser salad, french onion soup, prime rib, mashed potatoes, scallops w/ bacon, asparagus, and strawberry-topped cheesecake.
I gotta give it to Hans that, when he wants to actually cook decently (ie: this is the first time so far this summer) he can put together a wicked meal. :-)

Going through staff, issuing mugs, staff contact lists, and photos went quite long, and then I booked it home. Suffice it to say, that stupid unappreciated, disrespected, and taken for granted feeling I have at this point every year was not absent. So why bother hanging around? And just like that, I was done.

And that was week 8. Another one in the can.

Not what I needed

EDITED:

Never mind: I conquered it. :-)
Nothing to worry about anyway.

Crap on my Head

None of that stuff I advertised last time. Soon, though, I expect.

Instead, I'm going to take the chance to talk about some stuff.

1st thing: Kinda little by comparison.
Our camp director's daughter owned a dog, an adorable yellow lab-looking mutt named Promise, who she could not keep when she got an apartment in Eau Claire. Logically, this dog was given to our camp director, where she spends most all her time chained to a tree by his house.

I'm pissed. This dog sulks around with its tail so far between its legs, its shoulders hunched, and cowers whenever anyone comes near it. All the body language reads neglected/ignored/abused animal, and I'm ready to go find this girl and tear into her for it. Dogs, along with all other pets, deserve to actually be LOVED AND CARED FOR, GODDAMNIT! If you don't want to put in that work, give the animal to someone who actually does. Jesus Christ!

2nd thing: Ready to get going
I am stagnant. I need to get back into class damn fast. The big issues on my mind are all about what I'm doing after May, when I graduate (hopefully.) However, in order to know if I'm going to Grad School, I need to apply (by December), for which I must take the GRE (in October), for which I have to pay $140 to register. I'll be able to do that soon. Alright. Groovy. Also, I need to get on the horn with the right folks regarding the JET application and get that done, letters and all.

Being up here in the boonies gives me ample time to plan for these things, but I can't actually DO ANYTHING about it. I hate that feeling. I'm ready to be doing, to be taking an active role in moving forward with my life, and the next few weeks are not that. It's annoying.

Granted, it could be worse. I'm just being impatient. It all shall come in time, but I am ready to get moving right about nowish.

3rd thing:
Shopping around to get a sense of the price for a plane ticket to Japan (aiming to visit in March for the time being, lest things and plans change).
Just to get to the damn country, and not even the place I need to end up:
Minimum cost = $850ish, and that's on the low end (not to mention rare fares to find)
LeCrapzors.

Time to get saving.



Alright, time for me to get back to camp and back to the grind. I'll definitely be giving this one a Week in Review and even a Summer in Review. Look forward to it.

Personal note:
I hope you're okay, however it is you may be reading this. I miss you.

Week in Review

I admit it's a bit odd to start "Week in Review" sorts of things after the second-to-last week of camp, but I've always been a bit odd.

Week 7 was a rollercoaster. My attitude and feelings were pretty bipolar and fluctuated frequently.

+ David, my waterskiing kid, was really chill and a lot of fun to work with every day
+ He was also in my Boardsailing class-- and passed! (Him and his buddie Augie)
+ I didn't have to deal with the historically ambiguous Voyageur D-bags
+ New Troop 2 shirt
+ Had a real nice, respectfully disagreeing, discussion with Robert about gay marriage
+ Fajitas instead of Tacos on Tuesday
+ Managed several double brick breaks
+ Ed was around to help with sailboats

- Obnoxious scout mom who thought she was 16 put herself in my way near-constantly
- The worst batch of Pirate-playing dumbasses yet all summer
- The council took 55 bucks out of my gross pay and I don't know why
- The staff have thoroughly formed their unique cliques and I was left to hang around, alone, by the periphery
- The Eco/Con skit took about 13 minutes too long
- Most of our sailboats are busted (see second minus entry)

It was a week of camp. Some good happened, as did some bad. Ultimately, all that can be said is: Thank God we're almost done. Even taking the good stuff into consideration, this job and the hours it requires can only be done for so long. Even with a week off, I'm jonesing for my normal schedule back.

In other news, this week was the first with the girlfriend overseas. That's hard, and at least as much of a roller-coaster as camp was (not to mention a likely factor in why my attitude was so unsteady.) After the lion's share of two years spent with near-constant contact and time spent very close, it's taking me a while to adjust to this LDR thing again. Of import is this: most of the time, I'm actually feeling alright about it. We've both got our shit to straighten out and deal with, but something has kept us together the past two years and I think we're both strong enough, when push comes to shove, to get through it alright. It may not be easy at first, or particularly simple, but we're both pretty kickass people and we're not gonna give each other up easily. This is my belief.

Unfortunately, the other 30% of the time, I have been insecure, moody, and panicky, which is never a good way to be. Even worse, I allowed it to affect my higher brain functions, so that (obviously not thinking straight) I was unable to recall that important piece of information above (that we're two strong people who love each other, etc.) Oops. Sometimes I hate that, not only do I get stupid and pessimistic, I can't even step back and see past it to the bigger things. Sometimes the only way to get your head on straight is to call your Mommy and have her tell you (very lovingly, of course) that you're being too emotional and not thinking clearly.

This is going to be a long journey, and definitely difficult at times (the beginning adjustment phase being one such time) but no one said it has to be a bad one. Oretachi o shinjiru yo.

Next post, I think I'm going to do a little arts review. I'll give my thoughts on the first two episodes of Bandai's English dub of Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann, post some of the ideas for short stories that have been kicking around in my head, and talk a little bit about the music I've been digging lately.