The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

What is this movie trying to say?

Beyond the simple (though certainly substantial) message that the trailer hits us over the head with (by quite overtly stating it) that life can only be understood looking backwards but must be lived moving forwards, what can we seek to understand from this tale?

The part of the premise that gives me pause, and I'll leave it at this for now, is the nature of the relationship between Pitt and Blanchett's characters. Wrap it up in hollywood trimmings and drapery all you like, but is this not a pedophilic relationship? Are we supposed to sympathize and identify with an old man who pines for a young girl? Similarly, the other end of the logical conclusion would have us ask what happens when she becomes old and he becomes young? Is it a total role reversal or do gendered double standards change anything?

Something to ponder, but no real conclusions can be drawn without seeing the movie.

Further Media Ponderings

Recently, I caught on television the tail ends of two movies that impressed me. It's difficult to discuss the merits of these movies with many folks because both movies exist behind a sophomoric facade.



Here, I shall explain what I think many people entirely miss about National Lampoon's Van Wilder and 50 First Dates.



I've been a huge fan of Van Wilder for a few years, and this may have something to do with watching the sanitized version aired on Comedy Central. The gross-out humor certainly isn't necessary to facilitate my enjoyment. Furthermore, it likely takes away from what lies at the heart of the film.



Van Wilder is ultimately a coming-of-age story. Rather than using some metaphoric vehicle such as football or a globe-spanning quest (both of which are quite good) the main character struggles, grows, and overcomes his demons through introspection and social support systems. The result is a refreshingly honest story about a man learning how to grow up. I think that maybe gets lost in the dick jokes, though.



50 First Dates is also a sneaky sort of movie. Adam Sandler is known for getting hit with a bat and shouting a lot, generally making a fool of himself. That dynamic is not absent from Dates, but it is icing on a much more substantial cake. Sandler's character demonstrates immense commitment and profound self-sacrificing love, but he doesn't get whiney or burdened by it. He eagerly puts himself through a titanic degree of effort and struggle simply to be with the woman he loves. Love, compromise, and self-sacrifice are to be treasured in this story, not simply tolerated. Naturally, there are some just plain sweet moments of sappy romanticism; for example, Sandler has one of the best lines in recent Romantic Comedy:

"You thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life."

Come on! That's freakin' sweet! And I mean sweet in the "aww, puppy dogs" way, not the "dude I just pwnzored that noob in Halo" way.

These movies, with their sophomoric approaches to compelling dramatic content, are indicative of a bizarre trend, which can be interpreted in two opposing directions. Either the standard of sophistication the common movie viewer demands is on a downward slide OR filmmakers are attempting to broaden the appeal of their projects to grab the frat-boy demographic.

One way or another, I think it's important that we take a moment to consider all the angles of our entertainment. There's typically more than meets the eye. Ironically, Transformers was little more than a cheap action flick. Whatevs. :-p

Out.

Let's Talk about Anime

I seriously cannot sleep tonight, so I guess I'll finish this draft and post it up.

Anime.
It's something I'm into, though not something I obsess over.

Ultimately, it all comes back to my thirst for stories and characters, so I'm a bit drawn to most expressive media that include those.

I've been watching two shows lately. Partially it's all I have time for, but there's honestly not much else out there making it onto my radar. Anyway, I've been keeping up with Gundam 00 as well as Xam'd: Lost Memories.

To start, let me say that I'd recommend either show to ANYONE. Neither is as simply defined as what it initially appears.

Xam'd:

The premise for the show is interesting, though fairly typical within anime. The visual style, the music, and the production value are all quite good. The characters are surprisingly well fleshed-out, too, and that's always good. Where I'm starting to get worried is in the pacing. The first 10 episodes moved at a really smooth and quick pace, but the last four have been jarry and off-the-mark. The pacing is a bit hard to get past right now, but once the situation resolves into a new status quo and the main conflicts continue to be addressed, it'll all fit in. Before that, not so much. Still a great watch, though.

Gundam 00:

Most pressingly, we're 8 episodes into the second season. The first season got off to a strong start, but the second took the show in a new direction and really upped the ante for sophisticated animated storytelling.

I shit you not, this show actually pulls the lamest of soap opera cliches, the "identical twin brother of the tragically dead favorite character" and makes it play! New Lockon looks JUST like old Lockon, but you never mistake the two. He's completely his own damn self, and the unique characterization is there to the smallest bit. Excellent.

Also in Gundam 00 news, the English dub started airing a week or two ago, and unfortunately it was done by the Ocean group. That said, it could be a lot worse.

Overall, the biggest issue with the dub is a lack of talent diversity. Several actors take up, easily, 5 or 6 roles, and that's just in the first two episodes! It waters down the performance when the actor has to rely on stupid vocal tricks to differentiate his characters, rather than just acting straight-up.

The second biggest issue: The Ocean group's seemingly contractual obligation to give Richard Ian Cox a major role. Man, did they fuck up this time. Cox's take on Allelujah is just. . . well, I won't say "wrong" because there is no single definitive interpretation (shove off, elitist Japanophile fanboys!) but it's going to be very problematic. Allelujah is a gentle, reluctant warrior. He believes in what he's doing, but feels heart-wrenching guilt for having to pull the trigger. This juxtaposes with the split Hallelujah personality, a psychotic murdering bastard, beautifully. Cox's Allelujah doesn't play as innocent; he comes across as a snotty punk-ass bastard. The problem is that the lines and the stories don't work with this dynamic. Cox will have a very hard time trying to fit his rough, square pegs into the character's smooth, round, holes. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Don't get me wrong. It's entirely cool for the English version to kind of recharacterize a couple folks. It worked beutifully in Gurren Lagann for Kamina and Kittan. However, when the new characterization is so far a departure from the source, it falls out of synch. Cox's Allelujah simply won't make much sense.

Other thoughts are pretty vanilla, though mostly positive. Brad Swaile doesn't have the detachment to play Setsuna quite accurately, but aurally he does the job okay. The one definitely worth mentioning, though, is whoever that dude is playing Lockon. I can't recall the actor's name, but he hits the mark PERFECTLY. He captures the character completely and totally, and his smooth bravado plays like no other.

I will say that his catchphrase has a slight inconsistency, though. He fires a number of shots, THEN announces "Dynames is targeted and ready to fire". . . kind of a B then A sort of thing, no?

Anyway, the shows are good. Watch 'em.

Out.

Academia, I Issue this Challenge: SUCK IT

If one were to hold in one hand my degree audit and in the other the UWEC Course Catalog, all evidence would support the following claim: Matt can/will graduate in May.

However, this may not be the conclusion drawn by the individual if they, say, belong to the UWEC Theatre Department.

Hearsay though it is at this stage, word is that for the Liberal Arts degree (as opposed to the Comprehensive degree) I ACTUALLY need two practica from the 100 level AND two from the 300 level.

All the official documents, those being degree audits, course catalogs, and the department website, say I need a TOTAL of two from EITHER of those. One 100 and one 300? Fine. Two 300s? Groovy. Two 100s? Sure thing.

Despite the wealth of practical experience I had at Westminster (which would transfer in as FOUR 300 level and two 100 level credits if Dr. Allen had actually paid attention when I transferred in) I only have one 100 level practicum credit on the books. I was planning on getting either a 100 or a 300 next semester, but now it looks like I'm gonna need more. . . Maybe.

It's all up in the air. The hardcopy says one thing; the living breathing person says another. All WILL be straightened out within a matter of days, however. I AM graduating in May. Come hell or high water.

Out.

I got Tested

And I got scored.

Verbal: 570 - 79th percentile
Quantitative: 690 - 69th percentile
Analytical Writing: 4.5 - 58th percentile

So there it all is. It's really just confirmation of what I already knew, in terms of my strengths and weaknesses. I know I'm better at working with the English language than I am at solving math problems, but I've got an okay grasp on logic and reasoning. And my writing? Well, the grammar was fine. It's my analytical skills that came up a bit lacking, I'm pretty sure.

Guess it's a good thing I want to be an English teacher then, huh?

Anyway, yeah. That is what it is, and what it is is irrelevant for a while.
What I REALLY wanna talk about is where Japanese animation studios spend their money.

Compare the opening and ending cutscenes of, I'd estimate, 70% or more of anime out there. The opening and ending sequences feature much smoother animation with a better color palette and more attention to layers and textures. By comparison, the meat of the episode is choppy, static, repeated cuts with minor tweaks (like only animating a moving mouth over an otherwise still image). I realize I'm talking about fairly subtle stuff, a lot of the time here, but bear with me.

Here are some examples:

Naruto is one of those shows where about half of every episode is recycled footage. However, look at this, one of the Naruto openings. I love the silhouetted forms and sparring. Look how smooth and fluid they animate it without necessarily making it slow.


The 4th opening of Blood+


3rd opening to Eureka Seven


Hellsing


Let me just insert a plug here, because the show is awesome. I guess you could say I'm trying to identify a certain quality to these scenes. There's a show, however, that if you haven't checked out yet, you should, because it employs that quality a very high percentage of the time.

. . .
. . .

Go watch Avatar.

Out.

Games on the Brains

This is short, because it's simple and I don't have much time, anyway.

Lately, I've been a very busy little fella. I don't get a lot of leisure time, and I usually try to use it to catch up on sleep or homework, whichever is further behind.

Well, almost certainly as a result of that business, distance making the heart grow fonder and all, I have a burning desire to replay ALL of the following games:

Xenogears (What can I say? I'm jonesing for the ultimate romantic story, and all the better if it involves blasphemy and giant robots)
Final Fantasy X (check this out for an example of amazing use of dev. tools)
Chrono Cross (LOVE IT!)
Legend of Dragoon (The "oh yeah, we have a new objective, so let's go kick some ass" guitar riff has been stuck in my head for months)

And, naturally, there's loads of WoW to be played, as well. I eagerly look forward to winterim. I'll be spending my time at the help desk and playing games. January will kick ass. Maybe not as much as the last one (how could it?) but it will be a good time.
Out.

Indulge me, for a moment, while I Geek Out

The good news is that I don't mean in the "oh my god, something amazing is happening" sort of way. I just want to share my thoughts on something.

The anime show in question: Gundam 00. Season 2 just started up in Japan, so I've been watching both raws and subs (when they show up) of the first two episodes. Bottom line is it's good and y'all should see it.

However, I'm going to talk about something specific, and spoilerific to anyone who yet plans on seeing the first season. If that's you, and you don't want to know, go away.

Here's what is up. End of last season, they killed one of the Gundam Meisters. He went out in a wonderfully epic and manly way (Kamina would be proud) but he very much died. Earlier in the season, we get literally a tiny glimpse of a character who looks almost exactly like that dude. Guess what: it's his brother. Ho snap. But aside from that 10 second bit, no mention of him whatsoever.

Now, over the summer, media began to surface about the upcoming second season, including names and pictures for the new gundams and the cast. Oddly, that dead guy was standing right there next to his shiny new weapon of anthropomorphized mass destruction. What's going on there?

Yup, in a move that should surprise noone, it's not him but his brother. Neil is replaced by Lyle, who inherits his older brother's codename. So, from one perspective, it could be seen as the show's creators "undoing" the character's death because of audience response due to how popular he was. Guy looks the same, pilots the same machine (well, technically, the upgrade) and goes by the same name? Pretty much a clone, right?

See, here's where it gets interesting. I don't know how he's going to develop as a character. Will he be the same old Lockon Stratos that he never was? Maybe, but maybe not.

What I will say is that the more I thought about it, the more I actually liked doing this with the character. At first I thought replacing him with his damn-near-identical brother was a cheap move, but considering the history of the show and the characters in it, it actually makes perfect sense.

In any case, I'm interested to see how "New Lockon" adjusts to his new role as Gundam Meister. I'll probably need to wait a few weeks until his machine actually enters the show, but that's fine.

Ultimately, what's most important is this: Gundam 00 is back and looks to be laying some groundwork for a great second season. Let's hope the don't muck it up.

Out.

Memories

I miss you, Vicki.
I miss you a lot.
I wish things hadn't gone as they did.

That's all I really think needs to be said.

Great Work in Progress

The light is insufficient in this picture, but hopefully you can tell who I'm dressing as for Halloween. :-)

Hint: Add some gold trim and a sash. . . and FIRE.

It will be great.

Step into the Circle and Shake like we Do

The other evening, I was sitting in the living room while one of my roommates was watching television. The name escapes me, but it's the show in which they measure the science of fighting, in terms of physics and physiology.

In this show, they were talking about concussions and grappling. Naturally, of course, they used exclusively Mixed Martial Artists from the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

This was alright, as I certainly have respect for what they do. To say that Ultimate Fighters are not skilled is untrue. Their bodies are in peak condition as a result of disciplined training and they are good at what they do. That's not really a diverging point.

However, in this show's conclusion, they referred to Ultimate Fighters as "elite warriors" and I was bugged. I said "they're fighters, not warriors. There's a difference." Presumably, Master Lee is getting inside my head.

Anyway, it led me to ponder the obvious question: "What defines someone as a warrior?"
At seminar, Master Lee asked if anyone knew the expression "a sharp blade dulls quickly" and its meaning. Everyone thought so, but apparently we were wrong. Apparently it's an expression used to suppress brilliance, innovation, and excellence. It says "don't excel, because you'll burn out if you do." None of us got that out of it. We all thought it meant "one must always work to better oneself and improve. A continual sharpening of the blade, as it were."

Here's what I believe: the defining characteristic of a true warrior is NOT the application of martial skills toward another human being (infinitely moreso when done for sport or fame); it is an attitude, an approach, a way of seeing the world. A warrior concerns him/herself always with striving to keep sharpening their blade. They may never enter into combat or even conflict, but they are not robbed of this virtue for this lonely reason.

A warrior does not need to be in the front lines of battle, though he could, and for only the right reasons, he would.

Ultimate Fighters are not warriors because they're not fighting for anything.

These are my thoughts.

If you can read this, you'll understand.

みんなさん、遅い返事を許していただけませんか。
私は子供のころ、色々なことがありました。　たくさんいい子とあったけど、悲しいこともありました。　私は五才まで、オスチンという町ですんでいました。　生活はつまらなかったです。　誰か子供の生活は面白かったですか。　五才の時、私の家族はウィノナにひっこしました。　八才の時、一番好きな友達と知り合いました。　名前はアンヂです。　毎日、アンヂと私は自転車を乗り足り、映画を見たり、テレビゲームを遊んだりしました。　たくさん楽しかったです。
十才の冬、私とアンヂはスレドした時、私の手首が壊しました。　小さい事故でした。
十一才のとき、アンヂの家族はフロリダに引っ越しました。　もうすぐ、私とアンヂは話しませんでした。
私が大学の二年生の時はつぎアンヂについて聞く時です。　その一年前、アンヂはAIDSをもらいました。　毎日毎日、もっと病気になりま下から、２００６年１０月４日、自分をころしました。
先週はとてもむずかしかったです。　私の友達がいなくてさびしいです。
悲しい物語をすみません。

And now a fun one.

New items to add to the "List of things to do before I die" (I think Morgan Freeman calls it a "Bucket List"):

Ride a whale.
Portray Christopher Walken in an internet video.
Own a motorcycle.
Spark a bar-room argument about where to get the best clam chowder in Texas.

The Lesson

Never hide. Never run. Never lie. Never cower. Never settle. Never give up.

Fear motivates all of these things. We should strive to be fearless. This is what I have come to believe is the core value to living the life I want to, being the man I want to be. I will never do anything shy of standing up and living my life.

Universe, this is me. I am as you see, nothing less. Though there is much more to me than a mere glance may explain, you will come to understand in time. I will never deny myself, my values, my priorities, or my flaws. I will never hide from my problems or my feelings. I will never be afraid to share my thoughts, feelings, and opinions with others.

A life best lived is a life lived without hesitation or regret. A life best lived is a life without worry and anxiety. A life best lived is a life spent facing challenges and circumstances directly with a straight back, forward eyes, and a raised head.

This is my belief. Like others, I will struggle to live my life with conviction to this belief, but it is mine nonetheless.
Out.

Where To Go

Consider this proclamation.

If you like trying to make me feel stupid, think I can't handle things, or feel inclined to tell me that I'm just not good/smart/experienced/[insert relevant adjective here] enough, you need to go somewhere else, fuck right off, and get the hell over yourself.

Once you do that, I'll gladly welcome you back into my world, if you so choose, but I have no patience, nor need for patience, for people who see it as their role in life to "put me in my place."

I want people in my life who actually think good things about me-- people who actually like and are impressed by me-- Hell, people who are proud of me. If you're out to drag me down, you need to grow up.

Out.

If You Wanna Be Somebody Else, Change Your Mind

No, thanks. I'm okay being me. You know, I've got some good stuff going for me.

As far as I see it, I'm pretty smart, have a good sense of humor as well as diverse and multifaceted interests, and genuinely try to be friendly to everyone I know. I'm patient and understanding, pretty easily willing to forgive and let things slide, and I'll bend over backwards to help out the people I care about. I try to think ahead, sometimes a little too much, and want to fit into the world, as opposed to trying to wrap the world around me.

I'm in decent cardiovascular health, though couldn't it always be better? I can do some cool things a lot of people can't, like break bricks and play the drums. There's a lot of stuff I can't do yet but I'm trying to learn, too.

I'm pretty self-motivated, don't like sitting on my hands when I could be pursuing something I believe to be important, and don't intend on letting somebody else decide who I'm going to be or what I'm going to do. At the same time, I love getting input and advice from others. It used to be hard for me to take criticism, but I've gotten a lot better at it.

And, to top it all off, I think I'm pretty good-looking. Perhaps not gorgeous or studly, because I just don't have any of the right features for that, but among all the gawky, scrawny, misproportioned white dudes I know, I think I pull it off better than most.

I think I've got a lot going for me. If the rest of the world either doesn't agree or decides to just ignore me and walk on by, I'm sad, but ultimately I hope it's more of a loss to the world.

The adage about nice guys finishing last may apply here. It may not. Suffice it to say that, even though sometimes I think I'm alone in doing so, I think I'm a pretty alright dude.

Though, to be forthcoming, it can get hard. Some days I'd really like an external source of acknowledgment and validation, too. You can't get by purelyon inner confidence 100% of the time. Maybe you can, but it kind of sucks. But, even in these dark times, I suppose it's important to buck up and keep that one last bastion of confidence intact, probably moreso during doubting times than any time else.

Such what can't be quantified

"I can't have my legacy end with American Chinatown!"
One of the many wonderful things said this weekend.

Another great thing to be overheard:
"What do you want to be when you get older?" the children were asked.
"A firetruck!" shouted one.
"Supreme Grand Master, sir!" shouted another. Yup. I think we all know who.
The response: "Well, I don't have any kids; maybe you will be."

One of the most terrifying things a person can do?
Be asked to swing ssang jyel bong at a 7th degree black sash's head.

Lyfe: Ur Doin' It Rong

Check it. Monday night, abouts 8ish PM, I rollerbladed home. Was it dark out? Yes. Should I have been rollerblading then? Probably not. Why was I? Because we had a meeting at work that lasted until 8 and I thought it stupid to carry my skates home.

I hit a tree in a poorly-lit area. Not like my body hit the trunk, but my face hit a branch. When I say "face" I really mean "left cornea." Yup. Cut that guy up a little; hurt like a bitch for days (still does) but I got to wear a sweet eyepatch all week, so it wasn't all bad.

Thursday, last night that is, at Tae Soo Do, for part of second class, we practice dive rolls. Mine aren't strong, but that's why we practice: to improve. My first was alright. My second was alright. My third was wrong. Now, when I say "wrong" I don't mean I made a fool of myself; I mean I came down wrong, landed in a very bad way, and knew instantly that I had hurt something. My best recollection is thus: rather than rolling through, all the kinetic energy in my body came slamming straight into the mat through my back, at the thoracic vertebrae between the shoulderblades. Standing up evoked winces and pain, so I was done diving for the time being.

That constant stabbing sensation went away, but it was replaced by severe soreness in the neck (IN denoting the vertebrae in the center of the neck) and an achey strain on the sides of the front of the throat, just above the collarbones. This morning, hoping I'd managed to have slept it off, I awoke to no reduction of those symptoms, but instead a new friend to join them. Random, non-patterned, stabbing back spasms between my shoulderblades.

Seriously, the word to describe the pain is "blinding."

I spoke to the father unit, who had me do some self-test exercises to assess nerve damage, and it seems I likely haven't injured any nerves or caused any paralysis (I can still move my tongue) but that I have quite likely bruised the bones and the muscles of the vertebrae, probably from cervical all the way to thoracic.

Is there a lesson in all this? Nope. See, I don't believe I was doing anything wrong in either case, and were circumstances different, I'd have made the same call. These were just accidents. Unfortunately, they were both very painful accidents.

I'm getting by, because I don't have a choice. Hopefully the spine will be alright within a week. Could get worse, though. Spinal injuries are. . . to put it mildly, SATAN.

Out.

Idiot 1, on Idiot 2

Written by Eve Ensler
Quoted from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/drill-drill-drill_b_124829.html
"
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God.

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
"

I really can't argue any of the points Ensler makes in this piece, for the simple reason that she doesn't make any intelligent point.

Yet again, this women illustrates just how much she doesn't get it. Her "women = feminists (even if they're too opressed to admit it) = legion" take on something where it is only even remotely relevant, sensationalist rabble-rousing (if you think "rape" when you hear "drill," Eve, should I really be surprised? Hell, Teddy Bears likely make you think rape), and a thinly-veiled attempt to hide behind presumptive "real issues" despite no discussion or displayed knowledge of the issue beyond the superficial only further emphasizes Eve Ensler's inability to open her eyes, put down the picket sign, and be just another citizen of the world. She's a warrior? I'd like to see her prove it. She can borrow my sword.

Naturally, I see this as a waste. Just as Ensler sees Sarah Palin as a betrayer of women, I see Ensler as a betrayer of liberalism. Does Sarah Palin have some serious issues and inconsistencies she needs to own up for? Definitely. However, by standing on the rooftop decrying Palin's politics as inherently "anti-woman," Ensler stupidly wastes a perfectly good opportunity to get people asking the right questions. Instead, they're too busy nodding in sheeplike assent to her baseless, non-scholarly, illogical, fiery rhetoric. Thanks, Eve. You're just a peach.

Out.

Nicknames

I'll be brief. Between the hair, the eyepatch, and the stubble (such as it is) I really am pulling down the pirate look pretty sweetly.

Best part? The doctor told me to wear the eyepatch until Friday. What's Friday? INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY.

. . . it's also Sigi's birthday, and that's really cool. Crazy 2 year-old.

Out.

Playing with WeeWorld

I made a weemee of Marty. I think it's great.

*sigh*

Man, I got shit I need to talk to my advisor about. For reals.

Thesis Update

I have a thesis advisor. I will soon have the paperwork processed for Independent Study credit (ANTH 499).

I've further narrowed down the topic, as is necessary (and as I've been advised by several credible people) and the next stage in that narrowing of focus is this:
Gender dynamics in Kabuki and Shakespeare

I want to hit this basically from four components. I want to establish the historical context of both of these theatrical movements and I want to discuss the themes presented within the plays themselves. (2 of each = 4 parts, see?)

My short-term goal in terms of research is to assemble a minimum of five sources, for the time being, for each of these four subjects. That'll give me a framework to determine what sub-categories need more backing up. Acquiring the texts for Shakespeare (and even Kabuki, though to a lesser extent) should prove no great challenge. Volumes upon volumes exist in library stacks everywhere. I am finding that finding articles and books addressing the gender roles of Japan during the peak of Kabuki's rise is my biggest challenge right now.

Let y'all know how it pans out from here. For now, though? Back to work.

Out.

Customer Service

There's a fundamental flaw in the nature of my job. For the most part, things run quite smooth, but there's a certain trigger phrase that basically means my life is about to turn shit for at least a few minutes. That phrase? "I talked to someone before. . ."

See, most of you out there in cyberspace don't see what so bad about that. You may even think "hey, cool, this person has already received some assistance so they won't be completely lost."
Oh, how little you fools know. . .

The very nature of help desk is to come up with answers to questions we can't possible foresee being asked. This means that every question ultimately is a test of an individual's experience and problem-solving skills. By sheer virtue of diverse experience, we all have different methods and ideas. Most people, the clients, don't get that. They assume we all are operating out of the same memorized manual. Admittedly, sometimes we are (resetting passwords is only really done one way) but usually not.

What does this all mean? It means that, unless the worker who helped them is standing right next to me, I have NO idea what has already been tried or the specific details of the question (the hows and whys behind a computer not doing what it's supposed to) and the clients tend toward reluctance when asked to explain their last visit/phone call.

At its worst is when the problem was not solved the first time (usually pertaining to VPN and off-campus networking), which means it's highly likely there's NOTHING I can do that hasn't already been done. Sometimes the VPN sucks. Deal with it. The clients seem to be under the assumption we have all the answers (which is alright, as far as my ego goes) but can't handle when there's something we can't do. They stare at me with contempt and say "and if that doesn't work, THEN what?" Gee, lady, I don't know. Why don't YOU try doing something? How about you read your damn operating manual or, I don't know, LOOK FOR THE ONLINE DOCUMENTATION FOR YOUR DAMN SELF!

*On the subject of mapping network drives: Mapping to H: and W: from off-campus with a Mac fucking blows. Nice job there, Steve.

As bad as the above scenario may be, and truthfully it's not so bad, there's one FAR worse situation: Call Center.

I really can't generalize or attribute this to a common rule. The experience speaks for itself. At 2:00 I replaced the guy in the Call Center. At 2:05, I took a phone call from a woman who had just been advised by the Help Desk (gee, who could that have been?) to click "Yes" to an unsolicited popup from XP Security Center, one of the better-known HOLYFUCKINGSHITDESTROYYOURCOMPUTER Trojans out there. So what did she do? Of course, she installed it. That began the very long process of near-constant fake spyware popup warnings. Naturally, she called back, and essentially gave me a tongue-lashing because some other schmuck is a dumbass. Difficult though it felt, I had no trouble maintaining professionalism and didn't insult or belittle my co-worker for his stupid mistake, but simply tried to help solve the problem.

Granted, the woman was kind of dumb. "I don't usually open attachments in my Junk Mail folder, but this one looked important." . . . . DUH! THAT'S HOW IT WORKS! "But it said Windows XP on it." Again, nice lady. . . THAT'S THE WHOLE FUGGIN POINT! HAVE SOME COMMON SENSE!

It's inescapable. I am always going to have to deal with second-time return callers who expect me to be both aware of and responsible for prior phone conversations. That's nothing I can do anything about. I just wish people, no matter who they work for, weren't so GODDAMN STUPID.

Rant over.
Out.

A Needed Reminder

This character contains the ideas of patience, perseverance and endurance. Alone, this single character can be a bit ambiguous or flexible. It can also mean to endure, to bear, to put up with or to conceal. If you want to simply decide what this character means to you within the general meaning, but keep it a mystery to others, this is a good choice.

If you want to be more direct, you may want to choose one of our other selections that mean perseverance or patience (you will see this character within those larger words/phrases).

There is a secondary meaning in Japanese, since this is the first character of the word ninja.

Note that when writing this as Kanji, Japanese will tend to write it in the form shown to the right. If you select our Japanese master calligrapher, please expect this Kanji form (yes, it's just one stroke that is slightly different in location, crossing another stroke in the Japanese Kanji form).


-------------------
Copied from Oriental Outpost
http://www.orientaloutpost.com/shufa.php?q=patience

Looking Ahead

I know it's premature, but I can't get my head off of it.
I'm waiting for October 14th. Nothing will change or happen on that day, but I am needing it to come.

In fact, I think the truth that nothing will happen on that day, and the experience of nothing happening, is what I need to go through.

To those we love and those we lost. . . may the fairest of winds kiss your cheeks.

Subliminal Politricking?

Ya know, a thought occurred to me regarding the Marvel Comics character of Angel.

A strong-jawed, blonde-haired, blue-eyed WASP with angel wings.
Strong Nazi imagery, anyone?

Likely story?
Out.

My Topic for the Semester

Takarazuka, Kabuki, and Gender Roles in Japanese History.
Title not finalized.

Including references to:

• Breeches roles in English Restoration Comedy
• Gay and lesbian associations with dramatic arts
• Androgyny and the fluidity of sexuality

Time to put together a reading list.

Pretty Miserable

I'm feeling very down today. I've spontaneously broken down and started crying three times since noon and every time I see myself in the mirror, I want to break it.

Here's how I see myself right now.

Unattractive: Gawky, misproportioned body parts, preteen facial hair, and a perma-mullet.
Incompetent: Why else would I need handholding performing the simplest tasks at work?
Boring: Let's face it. I am. I'm boring and consequently so is my life.

And a laundry list of other things on top of that. I'm confident right now that applying to grad school or JET would be a waste of time and money, because why on Earth would anyone think I have anything to offer or contribute? Seriously, if you asked me "why should we hire you" I would hum and haw for a few seconds and then say, "Ya know, I don't know, which is a good sign you probably shouldn't."

I really just don't feel like I have anything going for me right now. I'm marginally intelligent, but that's meaningless in today's world, poorly-read on any given subject, lack any sophisticated or crucial skills to accomplish any task, etc. I really could go on, but I won't.

I just wanted to make record that today is a day full of shit feelings and self-loathing.
It is what it is. Out.

Another (much more tongue-in-cheek) Idea!

Here's my devious plan to be implemented in 15-25 years.

I want to earn my PhD. There it is. In what field? I have a couple avenues in mind, which is a list that will definitely be narrowed down and then specified within the next year or so. I may not be following my undergrad major, but plenty of folks don't.

Once this has been accomplished, I have every intention of enrolling in a 100-level undergraduate class at whatever University makes the most sense (perhaps the one where I work. . . oh, did I tip my hand a bit there?)

Here's the kicker, I'm going to make sure I take a class in which the professor only has his or her Master's Degree, and I will insist that he or she call me Dr. Thompson.

It will be great!
Actually, it'll be petty, stupid, and mean. That's why I'd only do it if I already had a friendly and positive relationship with the faculty member in question and they were cool with it. If they have the same sense of humor as I do, they'd find it entirely tolerable and a little funny, at very worst.

Out.

An Idea

This is gonna come out and sound really stupid. So do about 60% of the things that come out of my mouth, though, so it's no big deal.

I think everyone would do his or her self a world of good to take an afternoon, sit down, and write a lengthy, unabridged response to the following question:

Who are you?

Perhaps it's me, but I feel like a large source of my anxieties and shortcomings come from growing detached from who I am. I think they call this low self-esteem. Per-maybe-haps.

So yeah, take a day, and explain yourself. Everything. Monumental changes, talents, lessons learned, EVERYTHING that, when factored in, created the person you are today.
I think this is the idea of a private journal, but taken to the logical conclusion. I can not think of any more self-reflective activity than this.

I'm gonna do it. At least, I'm gonna try. I really have no idea what kind of emotional journey I may or may not experience.

As far as making a suggestion to anyone, I still don't know if the end product should be kept private and secret or shared. On the one hand, there are reasons we don't tell everyone every detail of our lives; on the other, I think culturally we are moving apart from our fellows, and a little bit of understanding about the other guy may be a kick-start in the right direction.

I'll let y'all know which way I decide. If I think sharing is the way to go. . . I still won't put it on the internet. Are you freakin' nuts? :-p

Nonetheless, I think this will be a positive, and possibly cathartic, experience.

Role of Church in Parenting: Religious or Social

This one's a little bit behind, but it's been kicking around in my head, among many other things.

Note: I am currently practicing unsure atheism. I'd call myself an agnostic, but apparently that means I don't care about whether God exists or not, and I'm not sure. In any case, I'm not a church-goer anymore.

Last week, I was having a chat with some friends about nothing in particular. The topic moved to circumcision, which motivated me to share my one interesting (if slightly awkward) story of any relevance: I was circumcised twice. Basically, they just didn't quite get all the foreskin the first time, I guess. Ya know, or I have Wolverine's healing factor. . . in my penis.

. . .
. . .
. . . sorry. . . ANYWAY! (it'd be freakin' sweet, though)

One of my friends adopted the anti-circumcision perspective, calling it barbaric and sick and completely wrong to do for some stupid religious delusion. K. Check. From there, circumcision was compared by the speaker to baptism.
I commented that my kids will probably be baptized because, while I am not a strong person of faith, there is a damn good chance (a certainty if the future finds "the girlfriend" becoming "the wife") their mother will be, and I have no objection to it. I consider baptism (and circumcision, for that matter) harmless at the very worst. I am more than comfortable with my children participating in a religious tradition belonging to my wife if I see nothing wrong with it.

Of course, my "believer-friendly" opinion was a bit hard to assimilate. I was in a room of jaded former Catholics (the product of overly controlling parents, I will not deny) who didn't seem to quite get a non-adversarial attitude toward something as simple as baptism.

By no means am I saying their spiritual or religious beliefs are any more or less valid to me than anyone else's. I am many things, but I try to be very open-minded about these things. However, I really was taken aback by my perception of what I was hearing.

I had proposed nothing more than respect and tolerance of the religious convictions of another human being, and I was facing opposition on a level much higher than I predicted. This really called to my attention a trend of anti-religious backlash, which I see as counterproductive.

Marty and I are a very inspiring couple, I'd like to think, because we represent people of different political and religious beliefs who still have respect and understanding for each other's perspectives. It's not that we lack convictions, but we're open-minded and secure in our own beliefs.

Call it narcissistic if you like, but I think we're doing it right. Here's why, and ultimately where I'm going with this whole thing. Marty is a Lutheran; I was raised United Methodist til my early Teens. Does she want to raise the kids in a church community? Of course. Do I? Absolutely.

Here's why:

It's not about my religious beliefs or even hers. I want my kids to grow up in a highly-socialized community. When I was a young kid, living in Austin, my family were members of a phenomenal church community. Everyone knew each other, new people were welcomed in eagerly, and everyone helped take care of everyone else's kids. It was never about God for my less than 5 year-old mind, but rather about having a large group of good people.

I want to raise my kids in a strong community, and I see no fundamental reason that can't be a faith-based community. Should I be worried my kids will somehow be brainwashed by the institution? Why would I be? I'll be spending far more time raising my kids than anyone else and, further, I wouldn't raise my children in a community where they were learning dangerous or harmful lessons and habits.

Call me crazy, but I don't need to believe in God or Jesus Christ to believe in the positive power of good Christians, and I absolutely want my kids to do the same.

Out.

DEVELOPMENT!

That was a long freaking day of tests!

8:20 am: Blood work
8:45 am: Chest X-Ray
9:20 am: Electrocardiogram
10:00 am: Echocardiogram
11:15 am: Consult with Dr. Cetta

It all went pretty straightforward and smooth, though I could never be comfortable going to somewhere so huge as Mayo as my primary care facility. I felt way too much like cattle among the hordes of other people.

So, did we learn anything today? Absolutely. Cetta said that he doesn't think we need to do a balloon angioplasty and stent. That said, they're still gonna cut me open and insert a catheter in my aorta and measure some stuff.

Regardless, any time someone tells me I'm in better health than all parties involved previously believed is quite fine with me.

*EDIT: Huh. Is someone trying to hack my account? I just got the email with login information. . . If anyone out there thinks this blog account is worth hacking, I assure you it's not.

Sa: Im Jeon Moo Tae

Ima, ichijihan goro da. Shinpai shite iru yo.

In 7 hours, I begin an entire day of cardiac testing at Mayo Clinic, including (but not necessarily limited to) 2 Echocardiograms and some blood work. Following this, I will meet with Dr. Cetta for a consult to confirm plans for surgery.

Tuesday, at whatever time I am told to arrive, I go BACK to Rochester for surgery. There isn't a whole lot else to say about this. Balloon angioplasty is pretty self-explanitory, right?

This is a struggle, but one of the lessons we do well to learn is that life is full of struggles. This will not be my greatest struggle, nor will it be my last.

There's no point in cowering or hiding; this is a good thing, and while frightening, I am facing it with my head high and will not run away. Fear is a healthy natural response to dangerous stimuli, but there is a time and a place, and allowing myself to be afraid of a routine surgical procedure will accomplish nothing.

I find myself inspired by the struggles I see friends and family face, and I take comfort in the perspective I gain. This is merely a blip, and I will see it through with collected calm and patience.

Watching E! is Rarely a Good Vocation

Bah. Maybe. Maybe not. Can't say it's productive or anything.

I watched a True Hollywood Story on Heath Ledger this evening. When they got to the end and folks were doing the sentimental thing, reflecting and commenting on his life and death (as is par for E! True Hollywood Story,) I had a strange feeling.

25% of it is just because they edit the show to manipulate the viewer and create the impression, I admit.

I felt like I knew they guy. Craziest thing.

I have a good idea where the feeling comes from; I think I understand who he was, what he was trying to do, and how he felt. It all seemed very familiar. I think he and I would've found a lot of common ground if we had a chance to talk.

I know that's bizarre, but so are many things in the world. Some people juggle geese.

天元突破グレンラガンの英語のカスト

Alright, most folks who know of my anime tastes have not been spared my tremendous excitement over Gurren Lagann. Sorry, but the show is freakin' amazing. Matter of opinion, I realize, but that's mine.

Like any good mindless blogger slave, permit me to register my opinion of this English dub, now that I've seen the first 4 episodes.
We'll do this by character, as that approach does make the most sense.

Simon: Yuri Lowenthal is kind of an obvious choice for Simon, considering he's kind of the "it" guy right now at Bang Zoom and can do different ages half-decently (important considering TTGL has a 7-year time skip.) That said, though not a surprising choice, Lowenthal does a pretty good job with Simon. The mere minute we get of grown-up Simon at the beginning of the first episode is spot-on where it needs to be, manly and strong, but with just that right bit of cocky swagger and space pirate bravado.

For the remainder of what we've seen so far, this is not Simon. Lowenthal almost makes 14 year-old Simon too whiney. I mean, the kid's 14, which means he can have either a high or a deep voice (curse puberty and its unpredictable developments,) but it feels like Lowenthal is straining a bit too much to get into so high a register.

As the character develops a bit over the next few episodes, I expect there's a good chance Yuri will play to Simon's developments just fine, so it's not a major issue by any means. I guess I'm really only talking about a complaint that lasts for the first 8 or so episodes, important though they are.

A note regarding the requirements of this character: Simon starts the series at age 14. Halfway through, we skip ahead to the point where he's 21. In Japan, the actor really didn't change much in the voice of the character, for the most part, but that's really just a performer's choice. Yuri Lowenthal is (seemingly) playing the character with two very distinct voices. All truth be told, if you were to ask me which L.A.-based voice actor has the best chops to pull that off, playing both child and adult, I'd say Johnny Yong Bosch. See Eureka Seven to get a sense of his "14 year-old boy" and I think you'd be impressed. I'm not saying I want Bosch to play Simon, because he's already got a good part in the show, speaking of. . .

Rossiu: No need to worry. Johnny Yong Bosch pulls it off perfectly. He's got the voice, the uncertainty, and the demeanor of Rossiu down perfectly for the one episode in which I've seen him. He's gonna be fine with the turns Rossiu takes later in the series, I am quite confident.

Kamina: This casting choice surprised me. Kyle Hebert never struck me as the right guy to play Kamina, from the perspective of matching style and personality of the Japanese voice actor, but it works. Most interestingly of all, it works in a hell of a bizarre way. Hebert's performance actually changes the character of Kamina, in an important but ever-so-subtle way.

Katsuyuki Konishi made Kamina into a huge ego and personality, so big a person he couldn't be kept inside his subterranean pit, even if he wanted to (spoiler. yeah, they live in a pit. they leave by the end of the first episode. big surprise.) Hebert, on the other hand, plays him as a guy who simply sees himself that way. He's not inherently huge and brave and larger-than-life, but he certainly thinks he is, and he's gonna fake it until he makes it. Considering some of the themes of the show, and particularly his relationship with Simon, this almost fits BETTER.

I'm really eager for episodes 7 and 8 to see how Kyle Hebert does with Kamina's biggest moments. And, as stupid as I know this is, I won't know if I like the dub until I find out how they do "Giga Drill Break" (or "Breaker," depending on subtitler) seeing as it's such a huge part of the show. Imagine if they had done something stupid either in renaming or pronouncing Goku's Kamehameha in DBZ? How different would the audience feel?

Yoko: Michelle Ruff plays her as a generic kind-of-ditzy, somewhat brash, somewhat bossy, ultimately tender and loving girl. Kind of a blend of the other characters of hers I've heard. There's nothing too big to say about this performance, which is a damn shame, because I think Yoko is easily one of the most interesting characters in the show (and that opinion has nothing to do with her lack of clothing.) I kind of suspect a lot of her subtlety and nuance will be missing later in the story, but that's a judgment I can't make yet.

Leeron: This is the response for which most folks will probably disagree with me. Steve Blum, best known for Spike Spiegel, Mugen, and similarly manly, badass smooth operators was cast as the transgender (in a more literal definition of the word than its contemporary usage) science genius Leeron. Leeron was a lot of fun to watch through because his sexuality is so fluid (not in a Captain Jack Harkness way.) He's not really a woman, but he's not really a gay man, either. Leeron is somewhere between male and female on the gender slider, but it isn't as rock solid and confining as "gay male stereotype." I realize this has a lot to do with America and Japan seeing sexuality differently. We don't have the same fluidity of sexuality that the Japanese do, so I guess I can't be surprised that it didn't quite translate right, but here's the final deal:

Steve Blum plays Leeron as a walking encyclopedia of the worst stereotypes and gay jokes in the history of man. Exhibit A

It's not. . . bad. . . per se. . . and it is pretty funny, but I think I'm getting tired of gay jokes at every corner for comic relief. I thought Leeron was much more effective at being kinda creepy and playful when he wanted to be in Japanese.

On the up side, Blum does do a really good job with the voice and hitting the mark for which he was aiming. Blum is a hugely talented actor and I can't say anything majorly critical about him. It's really just the director's interpretation with which I disagree (Damn you, Tony Oliver!)

Kiyoh, Kinon, & Kiyal: They're there. They're fine. Whatever. They'll all do fine later in the series, where these characters actually acquire some depth (not too much, though.)

Kiyal: Much like Kamina, the Japanese actor was so high-energy and over-the-top that I couldn't think of any American actor off the top of my head who could match it. Christopher Smith, whose work I don't know well, does it a bit differently. He's not quite as feral, but definitely has the irritability and the short fuse Kittan needs. It should be a good pick. My only hesitation comes from a lack of familiarity with his work. Natch.

Viral: Sam Regal. . . why? Viral is a freaking beastman, so why is there no bestial vigor in this performance? He's playing it too much just as "condescending member of the ruling class who spits on those beneath him." PLEASE, let Regal find Viral's sadistic and furious side before the time skip, because there is some GREAT shit for Viral coming later. I'm almost worried Sam Regal is going to go for the muted and introspective at times that Viral needs to be blunt and up-front.

Overall response: This dub is gonna be pretty damn good, even if they DON'T work out all the kinks I'd like. I'm really excited to hear what develops, and this show gives more than ample opportunity for the actors to lose themselves and have fun, if they just take the chance. If I had to grade what I've seen so far, I'd give it an A-. Little bit of polishing and it'll be just fine.

Week 8 in Review

Hey, kids! Time to hear about week 8!
This one will be rather short and uneventful, because (for the most part) that's how it was.

Sunday. All is as normal. Starts to rain a bit. Power goes out at camp for about 6 hours.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "Wait. Why does a boy scout camp need electricity?"

If you are indeed asking that question, you clearly have little to no understanding of the caliber of either the typical camper or staff member at PSR.

It sucked, because we had to pull everyone into the dining hall before they were all even on camp, which threw a major wrench in the (liberally speaking) well-oiled machine that is camp check-in.

Power came back by about 10:30, though, so that was alright.
And, on the major up-side, Victor and I got to frolick in the parade ground without shoes during heavy rain. That's always fun (I pretended I was an airplane. :-p)

Due to the lack of power, we had none of our printed merit badge class sheets, and weren't about to do a merit badge fair with no pre-registrant info, so we just said screw it and waited for kids to show up on Monday.

This summer, I taught Waterskiing with Brad and Sailboarding all by my lonesome.
1 kid in waterskiing
1 kid in boardsailing (and he quit before the first class)

There you have it. One kid to work with the whole week, and in a class I team-teach, to boot.
Talk about understimulation. :-/
Good news is that we had a great time every morning in waterkiing, and the kid was pretty cool.
I finally managed to get up and ski pretty well this week, after having taught kids how all damn summer. Whatevs. It's cool.

Nothing happened, blah blah, worthless CITs, blah blah, business as usual, blah blah, power goes out again on Wednesday. Boy, the week 8 group must think we have the shittiest power lines in the history of Wisconsin. Okay, maybe not. Stupid storms.

Haugen Fun Days happened. I was there for a little of it, running camp taxi service (an offer on which not too many people took me up, which is perfectly fine.)

Saturday clean up: Bear Lake went pretty quick, though getting the dock back on shore was pretty damn difficult (as one of the wheels came off)

And then, all that remained was staff last supper. Caeser salad, french onion soup, prime rib, mashed potatoes, scallops w/ bacon, asparagus, and strawberry-topped cheesecake.
I gotta give it to Hans that, when he wants to actually cook decently (ie: this is the first time so far this summer) he can put together a wicked meal. :-)

Going through staff, issuing mugs, staff contact lists, and photos went quite long, and then I booked it home. Suffice it to say, that stupid unappreciated, disrespected, and taken for granted feeling I have at this point every year was not absent. So why bother hanging around? And just like that, I was done.

And that was week 8. Another one in the can.

Not what I needed

EDITED:

Never mind: I conquered it. :-)
Nothing to worry about anyway.

Crap on my Head

None of that stuff I advertised last time. Soon, though, I expect.

Instead, I'm going to take the chance to talk about some stuff.

1st thing: Kinda little by comparison.
Our camp director's daughter owned a dog, an adorable yellow lab-looking mutt named Promise, who she could not keep when she got an apartment in Eau Claire. Logically, this dog was given to our camp director, where she spends most all her time chained to a tree by his house.

I'm pissed. This dog sulks around with its tail so far between its legs, its shoulders hunched, and cowers whenever anyone comes near it. All the body language reads neglected/ignored/abused animal, and I'm ready to go find this girl and tear into her for it. Dogs, along with all other pets, deserve to actually be LOVED AND CARED FOR, GODDAMNIT! If you don't want to put in that work, give the animal to someone who actually does. Jesus Christ!

2nd thing: Ready to get going
I am stagnant. I need to get back into class damn fast. The big issues on my mind are all about what I'm doing after May, when I graduate (hopefully.) However, in order to know if I'm going to Grad School, I need to apply (by December), for which I must take the GRE (in October), for which I have to pay $140 to register. I'll be able to do that soon. Alright. Groovy. Also, I need to get on the horn with the right folks regarding the JET application and get that done, letters and all.

Being up here in the boonies gives me ample time to plan for these things, but I can't actually DO ANYTHING about it. I hate that feeling. I'm ready to be doing, to be taking an active role in moving forward with my life, and the next few weeks are not that. It's annoying.

Granted, it could be worse. I'm just being impatient. It all shall come in time, but I am ready to get moving right about nowish.

3rd thing:
Shopping around to get a sense of the price for a plane ticket to Japan (aiming to visit in March for the time being, lest things and plans change).
Just to get to the damn country, and not even the place I need to end up:
Minimum cost = $850ish, and that's on the low end (not to mention rare fares to find)
LeCrapzors.

Time to get saving.



Alright, time for me to get back to camp and back to the grind. I'll definitely be giving this one a Week in Review and even a Summer in Review. Look forward to it.

Personal note:
I hope you're okay, however it is you may be reading this. I miss you.

Week in Review

I admit it's a bit odd to start "Week in Review" sorts of things after the second-to-last week of camp, but I've always been a bit odd.

Week 7 was a rollercoaster. My attitude and feelings were pretty bipolar and fluctuated frequently.

+ David, my waterskiing kid, was really chill and a lot of fun to work with every day
+ He was also in my Boardsailing class-- and passed! (Him and his buddie Augie)
+ I didn't have to deal with the historically ambiguous Voyageur D-bags
+ New Troop 2 shirt
+ Had a real nice, respectfully disagreeing, discussion with Robert about gay marriage
+ Fajitas instead of Tacos on Tuesday
+ Managed several double brick breaks
+ Ed was around to help with sailboats

- Obnoxious scout mom who thought she was 16 put herself in my way near-constantly
- The worst batch of Pirate-playing dumbasses yet all summer
- The council took 55 bucks out of my gross pay and I don't know why
- The staff have thoroughly formed their unique cliques and I was left to hang around, alone, by the periphery
- The Eco/Con skit took about 13 minutes too long
- Most of our sailboats are busted (see second minus entry)

It was a week of camp. Some good happened, as did some bad. Ultimately, all that can be said is: Thank God we're almost done. Even taking the good stuff into consideration, this job and the hours it requires can only be done for so long. Even with a week off, I'm jonesing for my normal schedule back.

In other news, this week was the first with the girlfriend overseas. That's hard, and at least as much of a roller-coaster as camp was (not to mention a likely factor in why my attitude was so unsteady.) After the lion's share of two years spent with near-constant contact and time spent very close, it's taking me a while to adjust to this LDR thing again. Of import is this: most of the time, I'm actually feeling alright about it. We've both got our shit to straighten out and deal with, but something has kept us together the past two years and I think we're both strong enough, when push comes to shove, to get through it alright. It may not be easy at first, or particularly simple, but we're both pretty kickass people and we're not gonna give each other up easily. This is my belief.

Unfortunately, the other 30% of the time, I have been insecure, moody, and panicky, which is never a good way to be. Even worse, I allowed it to affect my higher brain functions, so that (obviously not thinking straight) I was unable to recall that important piece of information above (that we're two strong people who love each other, etc.) Oops. Sometimes I hate that, not only do I get stupid and pessimistic, I can't even step back and see past it to the bigger things. Sometimes the only way to get your head on straight is to call your Mommy and have her tell you (very lovingly, of course) that you're being too emotional and not thinking clearly.

This is going to be a long journey, and definitely difficult at times (the beginning adjustment phase being one such time) but no one said it has to be a bad one. Oretachi o shinjiru yo.

Next post, I think I'm going to do a little arts review. I'll give my thoughts on the first two episodes of Bandai's English dub of Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann, post some of the ideas for short stories that have been kicking around in my head, and talk a little bit about the music I've been digging lately.

No need for a Thompson

Almost never have I felt so unimportant as I feel today.

Everyone has their cliques, their "scenes," their fan clubs, social groups, whatever, and somehow, through it all, I get left aside.

I get it; I do. I mean, new experiences with people, in life, in general, etc., whatever, but at the same time, is not the fact of my isolation a marker that there is something wrong with me?

It's a terrible feeling, to be alone no matter where you are. I understand that the human is a fickle creature, but a little acknowledgment and recognition would be incredibly nice sometimes.

A lot of this is hitting me hard today. I can chat and get along with most of the people I work with, but any attempts to actually have meaningful dialogue (ie: the sort of conversation the other person couldn't have with a metal post) end in awkward silences and segues thinly veiling moves to get the hell away.

It's getting pretty rough on me. No lies there.
I did some breaking as a skit during SPL campfire today. Aside from a small smattering of applause, I got damn near nothing in terms of positive reinforcement. Well, excuse me, people of the world-- I didn't realize this was such a pedestrian event. Pardon me for thinking it's pretty cool.

Whatever. Camp is done in a little over a week and then I go back to EC, where I can fail to ever actually see Tim before he leaves. How could my social life be better?

2 down, 360some to go. . .

Depression is a weird thing. I've never been diagnosed, quite probably don't have anything worth diagnosing, but chemical depression exists around my family history. Consequently, I have an understanding of the processes and the nature of depression, and I know what it can both look and feel like. Chemical or not, I'm dealing with depression right now.

I'm listening to "Girlfriend" by Eve 6 a lot. Call it my coping song. Whatevs.

I have no appetite, but am very hungry. My body wants to eat but I don't feel at all compelled to. Unlike many, my stressed/anxious/depressed response seems to be to avoid food. Bizarre.

It's almost eerie how easily the rest of the world keeps turning, even while my little corner of it is so unsteady right now.

TTGL premieres on Sci-Fi tonight, but I have nowhere to watch it. Balls.

The First Step

I'm going to skip the obligatory self-protective "I wonder if anyone will read this, blah blah blah" rhetoric and just assume there's people reading. I have readers. At least one, anyway (considering you're here.) If you're reading this or even remotely aware of my writing it, you've proven me right.

I'm hitting off a new step on my journey, and it is a big jerk of one. I've got a year left of college, only a couple hunches what I want to do after, and noone but myself to rationalize or to whom to justify myself.

I'm terrified of growing up, and it's time I get past it. To paraphrase a pretty wise dude, I've got a good strong pair of legs. It's time I got up and used them.